A few weeks ago at the EFT conference in Birmingham I’d arranged to call someone on Skype at 6pm. Because I had no internet connection in my room I packed up my laptop, went down to the lobby and found a quiet corner. I was super excited about making the call because I had an exciting surprise to share with him! I waited exactly until 6pm and called … only to get his voicemail. I tried again, and then received a text message from him saying that he was going out with friends.
As it dawned on me that there would be no phone call that evening, I felt devastated; because I understood that my emotional reaction was out of proportion to ‘reality’, I knew that my feelings really had nothing to do with this specific incident – that it related back to an unresolved childhood trauma – which one, I had no idea!
A friend offered me much needed (and appreciated) support on the phone and then he said, ‘You know Bennie, you really have to tone down your excitement or it will just keep getting you into trouble.’
I realized that in his model of the world he was absolutely right. And in my model of the world, may I always and forever have this spontaneous ability to tap right into exuberant excitement, regardless of the outcome! And here’s why.
Excitement has enormous power. It fuels our imagination, which is, as Linda Woods recently said, ‘the most powerful force in the world’. Without imagination and excitement we are very, very unlikely to ever achieve what we way we want. [If you understand anything about the Law of Attraction you know that already.]
Now what happens if our expectations are not met and we become disappointed or even, as in my case, seriously upset or affected by it?
The good news is that it provides massive opportunity for growth, in the following three ways:
1. Realise that your reaction probably has very little to do with this actual event
If the disappointed brings intense emotions you can be pretty sure it goes back a long, long way and that this particular event was simply a trigger, like an ally shining a flashlight on a part of you that that wants healing. This means that, if you’re willing to go there, you can heal what needs healing (it probably also affects your life in countless other ways) so that you can move on a little closer to your potential and being happy and healthy.
2. You get to see how you contributed to the outcome and what you could do differently next time, if you wanted to
It provides an opportunity for you to see how you contributed to the outcome. This requires ruthless honesty and if you’d rather remain a victim of life then please do not attempt this!
This exercise gives you the opportunity to take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, actions and life. If you are someone that life habitually ‘happens to’ (a victim) then I highly recommend that you start practising this step so that you can start taking back your power to create your life the way you want it.
The truth is I never made it clear to him how important it was for me to talk to him on that specific evening. If I really wanted to be sure, I could have made sure that he understood that I was very keen for us to talk and I could have checked in with him when would have been convenient to talk.
3. Digging a little deeper: asking ‘What is it about me…?’
It’s also an opportunity to ask ourselves ‘If I did attract this experience into my life, what was it about me that did so?’
When I inquired a little deeper into myself as to what it was about me that created or contributed towards that particular outcome, I noticed that I still held a deep underlying belief that I was going to be rejected in a close relationship. And bingo, even though the actual event does not constitute rejection per se, that is the way my mind interpreted it and so I got to be right; it was as if there was a little voice inside me that said “I knew I was going to be rejected, and I was! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” Sometimes we’d rather be right than happy; the problem is that that way, we don’t get to be right or happy!
So to me this event was simply an indication that I had more personal healing work to do to let go of that old belief and replace it with something a little more useful, maybe something like ‘I am worthy of a loving, kind and respectful relationship.’
Be mindful not to use this exercise to beat yourself up: gently enquire, with compassion, kindness and curiosity to see if there is something about you that attracted this outcome.
Since then so much has happened I can (and one day, will) write a book about it, but for now, I’m on a week break in Thailand. The resort I chose is quiet, it’s right on the beach, it’s got everything that I want and I’d not arranged any appointments this week.
That meant that really, there was nowhere to go, and nothing to do.
My original intention was to sleep, eat well, exercise, read, and relax.
Instead, I used the past week to dig deep into myself and to use EFT and other tools to uncover and release some old painful and limiting beliefs that I still held about myself – specifically around relationships.
One of the tools I found especially powerful and useful this week is Matrix Reimprinting – read more here.
I seem a ton lighter than when I arrived and it seems that, yet again, I have grown exponentially. I am beginning to understand better and better still what it really means to create my own reality. I am beginning to experience that I attract everything into my life that happens (consciously or unconsciously) and that to paraphrase Michael Brown very loosely, trying to manipulate the external world (which is simply a reflection of my inside world) or wanting other people to be different to the way they are to suit me, is just mad.
If the outside world is indeed a reflection of my inside, then the change needs to happen with me, so that I can effortlessly attract that which I claim I want. This puts the power right back with us. As I continue to grow and change and heal more and grow the belief that I do deserve a loving, respectful and caring relationship – invetibly one will come along.
Why am I telling you all of this? Just in case you find yourself in a place where things in your life are not going the way you want it to, or things seem hopeless, I want you to know that you can change things around. And it starts with you…but only always.
You can, of course, choose to suppress your enthusiasm for fear of disappointment. The only problem is that it doesn’t really prevent disappointment, does it?
With love and gratitude
PS) And the relationship? Well it seems that one didn’t work out .. watch this space!